Spring I dance with you.

Got up early this morning. Went out to get the paper and saw a group of healthly does. We stared at each other for awhile. The girls where locked in position, hiding in plain sight. They were beautiful and proud. Standing tall and still. Their coats were thick and brown, looking like satin robes. Eyes wide and deep. I wonder what they saw in me. An old guy in his gym shorts, scruffy and slow with his little brown dog. Nature and man. One is fresh and new, awakening season after season. The other trudges on, years piled on his back like a tortis. Scarred and pitted his shell is, but his eyes can still see and his heart can still feel and his soul can still fly.

I went into the back yard and saw a group of jakes. They looked like every young man. Grouped together making jokes talking about girls. Pimply faces and gangly legs, slightly uncoordinated. They walked through the yard. The girls were in the trees. I could her one jake tell the other "I think she likes you". The music is playing and the girls are waiting. It is Spring and every day is the prom.

The birds are out signing their mating songs. I heard a solo from a robin on the deck. His wings held out, his chest puffed, head held back. He sang to the world. "I am here, right here, right now, right now, this is my place, my place."

The sun is rising. Old man winter has gone away and lovely Spring has arrived. Her hair wet with dew, her eyes full of promise, sheathed in her silky wonderfulness. Spring is for lovers and lovers are for Spring. Spring is young and full of promise. She is a daughter, beautiful and tender, lightly making her way into the world. Her very presence makes all around her young, wonderful and hopeful. I welcome you Spring. Arise from your slumber. Lift yourself up and shine on us all. We need your light and your hope, your beauty and your innocence, your sense of wonder and your glow that lets us know that winter is over and all is right in the world.

As I stand on the deck and let the sun shine on my face, I feel the rays fill me and renew my soul. Spring spread your fecund fingers into the ground, the warm tendrils of your sun telling mother nature to wake up and come play. Dance in the sunlight, howl at the moon, hold your lover's hand, sing of her beauty, hold her face in your hands, kiss her lips and whisper "Spring is here, Spring is here."

Fuck You Cancer.

This is for my bubbly, fresh and fun friend. My occasinal weightlifting buddy and I woman I have grown to like and admire. You have a long road ahead my friend, one that you will have to travel alone. May Jesus walk with you to keep you company, hold your hand when you are scared, carry you when you are tired and lift you up to Heaven if your journey here is to end.

Be brave for yourself and your loved ones. Don't lose that smile and sense of humor. Who else can see such humor in cancer. Fight and fight and fight, never give up and never give in. And if you lay exhausted and weary and it is the end, know that you have touched many people in this world and that God loves you and will come for you. And if you beat this son of a bitch and get back to the gym I have no intention of cutting you any slack. This fucker will hurt you and hurt you and hurt you, but can never touch what is inside your soul or your heart. Your beauty is within and fills the world like sunrise touching everything with its warmth. Go in peace and fight, fight, fight.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me.

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

and yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul

William Ernest Henley (1849-1903)

No matter how big the your foe is, never back down, God loves an underdog. Be like King David, swallow your fear , pick up a rock, put in your sling and hit that fucker right in the eye.

Fuck you cancer, fuck you.

Off to war.

A friend of mine is off to Afghanistan in a few weeks. This is his second tour. The first was as a marine in Iraq, now in the National Guard he is off to the Kusch mountains to hunt and kill Taliban. He is a sniper. A Sargent in charge of a patrol of snipers, around 6 guys.

Truly the National Guard is our nations version of the Greek Spartan. These men and woman leave there families and lives behind, go to bad places to fight and kill bad people. What can that be like? To one month be managing a restaurant and the next be looking down your scope and pulling the trigger. We ask a lot of these folks and I hope we all remember the sacrifice they make for us.

Over the last three years since he got back from Iraq, we have had many discussions about the war and his part in it. I asked him what it felt like to be fighting and killing the enemy. He told me it was his job and he did it to the best of his abilities. He said the best way to handle it was when he left the barracks to put his real person on a shelf and become a warrior. A hardened killer of men.

On patrol he would set up as cover for his squad as they attacked or defended themselves. His job was to eliminate as many enemy as he can to keep his guys safe. He mentioned that being a sniper was very personal and he could see the face of just about everyone he killed. Right down the scope, the head in the target, hold your breath, pull the trigger and poof a cloud of red mist. Over and over again, target after target, month after month, battle after battle. He once hit a truck driver from over a mile away with a 50 cal bullet. That bullet is about 7 inches long. He said it took more time to put the rifle together than it did to track and kill his target.

Once his platoon was attacked by over 200 enemy, they killed every single one of them. I asked how did you do that? "I don't fucking know, it was awesome and horrible at the same time. Two Humvees one with 50 cals and the other an automatic grenade launcher along with an huge air strike did the trick" he said. The attack was filmed and has been shown many times. Were you scared, too busy to be scared he said, too wired.

This is a man like you and me, he has a wife, a baby daughter, a life here at home. He has a mom and a dad, brothers and sisters. he has a dog named Rex. He is going of to war, to kill and maim the enemy. He will suffer hardship and he will bring hardship down on the Taliban.

I am glad we have citizen soldiers like Eric, he is proud if what he does. In a few weeks he will take off his suit and tie and his life here at home and put it on the shelf. He will don the warriors uniform, he will go to a foreign land, he will fight and kill the enemy. He will be cold and lonely, he will miss his wife and daughter, he will put thoughts of this life out of his head. This is the life of our soldiers, true hero's, let us pray for them and their families, let us never forget the sacrifices they make.

Face in the scope, finger on the trigger,baby in the crib, life on hold. Good luck and Godspeed friend. I am proud of you.

Nelson Mandela

He wrote a book called "Conversations with Myself". I am going to read it as soon as it comes out. He is the greatest man I have ever known of. Conviction is a powerful tool. Faith a powerful tool. Smile a powerful tool. Love a powerful tool. Could you live in a cage on desolate island for 27 years and then lead a nation not into an apocalypse of revenge, murder and mayhem, but one of togetherness and strength. He is the spike in the sand. Incredible what a man or woman can do.

Kids making parents crazy since Cain and Abel

I can remember my old man telling me, " What till you have kids some day, You will get yours". I use to think," what the hell is he taking about?" Followed by what am I doing that is so wrong. Until recently I though it was the act itself that was the issue. Really it is the top of the issue. Think of it like thin ice on a pond. You see your child playing on the ice, tell them don't go near the thin ice you will get hurt. That works when they are little and the world is big and scary. Mom and dad will protect us from evil. As children grow the become independent, making their own decisions big and small. We stand back and hope and pray we have given them the tools to make the right decesions.

Time goes on life is like the pond, lots of safe areas, lots of good decisions. Still the thin ice lies there waiting. Some kids like the thin ice. They dart in and out, laughing and enjoy the thrill, the rush that the thin ice brings. Maybe you remember your own forays onto the thin ice. Cheating consequnce and laughing all the way. Time goes on and your learn that under the thin ice the water is deep and swift and the children that fall through can be hurt or worse.

You stand on the shore, help them lace of their skates. "Here you go" you say, Just hold into my hand. Time goes by and the kids are skating around you, "Look at me dad, look at me." Then more time goes by and they skate away from you, out of reach. They go out and they come back, out and back, out and back. The skate on the thin ice and you yell, "Get back here, what did I tell you! They are contrite and you hope they learn.

More time goes by and the kids go to the pond themselves, lace up the skates and dance on the ice. Most stay off the thin ice. Some race to it, looking for the thrill that only the thin ice can bring. Some will have close calls, some will dance over the thin ice never having a slip and some will fall through.

I agonize about the ice and I pray that my children will make the right decision and stay off the thin ice. I think about my dad. face all red, "Wait till you have kids". I think of the worry that my many forays over the thin ice have brought him. I think about my friends that fell thru, some never to be seen again. I worry about my children, if only I could freeze the ice and make it thick, but that is not the way. Each of us has to learn about life and the decisions we make.

Tommorow I will see the old man and tell him my troubles, he will smile and little wink in his blue eyes, put his hand on my shoulder, gives it a squeeze. He will tell me I worry too much and I will tell him "Old man you where right". "I know" he says and laughs, "I know.

We will walk toward the house arm in arm father and son, his experiences becoming mine. The world turns the ice freezes, dads worry, dads console. We help each other father and son, father and son. I think about my boy and I smile "Some day you will get yours" and I will still be there for you, just like my father is for me.

A few thoughts on BP and the Gulf

1. BP how do you justify not mandating the use of a well check valve, when you are making over 20 billion in profit per year.

2. Why is any American buying gas at BP. They can go to hell.

3. Don't cap the the damage fund at 20 billion that represents only 1 years profit for BP.

4. I would like to personally kick the shit out of that sniveling little fucker that runs BP. "I would like to get my life back". you know what, Fuck You.

5. If we turn the coast of LA and FL into a oil soaked wasteland will that be enough to get the Cape Wind Project off the ground.

6. So does God weep and Satan smirk. Are we all still just ungrateful assholes?

My Back Hurts.

I believe that you can find something in common with any man. Let me give you a few examples. What do I have in common with the retired pro tennis player Andre Agassi. Lets see he played tennis for a living and I sell real estate. Nope. He is world famous and I don't even know all my neighbors. Nope. He is bald and I have a full head of luxurious silver fox locks. nope. He has a bad back and it is a huge pain in the ass...me too. That's it. We both start the morning the same way. pain. We stumble into the bathroom to have our top of the morning pee, then its groaning all the way back to the bed. Hopefully we can lie there for a few minutes waiting for the click that means the old back has reset. It goes like this..tick tick tick tick tick tic tic , then click. Hooray lets start the day.

If not then it we have to crawl out of the bed and lie on the floor. The idea is to straighten out your legs until the calves are on the floor. The we are at 70% good to go. It takes a few minutes, but it is better then stumbling around the house from chair to chair looking for something to lean on. So he goes on with his life..public speaking or hanging out with Steffi and I go on to mine sitting in my car or behind a desk phone in hand. Looking to make a deal. The only deal I can't do is one with my back.