I can remember my old man telling me, " What till you have kids some day, You will get yours". I use to think," what the hell is he taking about?" Followed by what am I doing that is so wrong. Until recently I though it was the act itself that was the issue. Really it is the top of the issue. Think of it like thin ice on a pond. You see your child playing on the ice, tell them don't go near the thin ice you will get hurt. That works when they are little and the world is big and scary. Mom and dad will protect us from evil. As children grow the become independent, making their own decisions big and small. We stand back and hope and pray we have given them the tools to make the right decesions.
Time goes on life is like the pond, lots of safe areas, lots of good decisions. Still the thin ice lies there waiting. Some kids like the thin ice. They dart in and out, laughing and enjoy the thrill, the rush that the thin ice brings. Maybe you remember your own forays onto the thin ice. Cheating consequnce and laughing all the way. Time goes on and your learn that under the thin ice the water is deep and swift and the children that fall through can be hurt or worse.
You stand on the shore, help them lace of their skates. "Here you go" you say, Just hold into my hand. Time goes by and the kids are skating around you, "Look at me dad, look at me." Then more time goes by and they skate away from you, out of reach. They go out and they come back, out and back, out and back. The skate on the thin ice and you yell, "Get back here, what did I tell you! They are contrite and you hope they learn.
More time goes by and the kids go to the pond themselves, lace up the skates and dance on the ice. Most stay off the thin ice. Some race to it, looking for the thrill that only the thin ice can bring. Some will have close calls, some will dance over the thin ice never having a slip and some will fall through.
I agonize about the ice and I pray that my children will make the right decision and stay off the thin ice. I think about my dad. face all red, "Wait till you have kids". I think of the worry that my many forays over the thin ice have brought him. I think about my friends that fell thru, some never to be seen again. I worry about my children, if only I could freeze the ice and make it thick, but that is not the way. Each of us has to learn about life and the decisions we make.
Tommorow I will see the old man and tell him my troubles, he will smile and little wink in his blue eyes, put his hand on my shoulder, gives it a squeeze. He will tell me I worry too much and I will tell him "Old man you where right". "I know" he says and laughs, "I know.
We will walk toward the house arm in arm father and son, his experiences becoming mine. The world turns the ice freezes, dads worry, dads console. We help each other father and son, father and son. I think about my boy and I smile "Some day you will get yours" and I will still be there for you, just like my father is for me.
